Novel | When he had blue dream6(Story of the mother, empty lot)

Novel | When he had blue dream6(Story of the mother, empty lot) 

As soon as she had finished dinner, she hurried to her work place.
Before dinner she phoned there, she will be late a bit.

She really wanted to have dinner with Rintaro, her son today.
Today is Rintaro's birthday.
Her job is water business, so a little easy to manage time compare to office work.
Another younger girl should be fill the her place.
She used to swap the sift when Rintaro's had high fever and so on.
Her absence doesn't really affect her work place.
It will be replace anytime. During cut down their living expenses. Although it's better to earn more money, due to her job, she rarely had meal with Rintaro so far.  
She hardly remember to have meal with him since he grew up ten or eleven year's old.

She called him that She will go to work, then she left the house.
On the way which walked and got used to the station, she stopped  and sat down the bench at a big apartment's community place.

Stars were shining in the sky. Really beautiful sky, it was.

When opening the box of a cake, she was excited rather than the son was, but somewhat glad to be somewhat shameful. 
When sky was seen, she was becoming good anyhow in work, and when she phoned her work place and resting today, it returned toward the apartment. 

The light was on in the room. Rintaro was not there when she opened apartment's door. The remaining of the cake was  still on the table.

She put the handbag down and sat down in font of a dresser.
She gave whiff a sigh and gazed her face reflected in the mirror.
The button of the shirt was removed sequentially from the top. 
Underwear is taken and its breast is projected on a mirror.

After a son sleeps, she sometimes does so and opens her breasts in front of a dressing table. 
Her breast looks just like the candle which attached fire and has burned out. Because she lost both of breasts in a breast cancer. 
When she notice that a breast does not return even if she sees how many times, she is in front of a mirror.
Rintaro was born, lumpiness was immediately found in the breast, breast of one of the two was lost, and breast of one of the two has already been lost after half a year. 
She lost breasts.

She feel that the expression that the hole was vacant rather than lost is nearer. 
The vacant lot emptily used as the body and the heart is made, and she is gazing at the vacant lot in front of the mirror. 

To be continued


novel | When she had blue dream - 4 - story of Aoi(at the venue)

 Darkness sprinkles on the ground light which governs the neighborhood foolishly and a star freezes to the bottom of the heart, At the night which has not opened eyes directly, It is neutralized by the light of a mercury lamp or neon, The light of such a star should not burn the skin somehow,Just like of the insect which flies about only in an artificial light as if it avoided the mine, A wall even without the wallpaper of a multi-use building, It gathers only in order to shake the glass on a table by the pressure of sound, Aoi was sung in front of the fellows who think that the eardrum may be torn for this instant.
 Who that is here does not necessarily make a song hear. Although words have a meaning and it becomes a melody, the one expressing She does not do loading the language with feeling. It is not because it is others' words, and the one who expresses does not have language. 
 Just, it is only playing with sound. 
 Its voice is amplified, and it becomes bigger and bigger, and returns into again. 
The thing is merely pleasant. 
 There is the scent of an offensive tight perfume. Offensive air. Feeling of the anger which its voice lures out. Air which is likely to spread and go to this whole town from this floor. How far is my voice amplified? The other side of soundproof  iron door, Stairs of a multi-use building, Asphalt as a mercury lamp begins to illuminate is shaken, An electric shock is received in an artificial light made into pure white of a town, Supposing it spreads infinitely and goes the inside of air, Do I also lose language more than now and go? 
 Why doesn't anger leave me? I am neutral. 
I am not anger or anxiety, either. Even when singing the blues, language is a signal of a free sound. The emitted language still spreads on this floor as feeling. 
 She looks at many layers of the thin sliver chain wound around the wrist. It lit with lighting and has shone finely. There is a neutral me whom anything does not have into the brightness. She becomes somewhat glad. nothing resonates in this floor with this beautiful light unrelated to feeling, it is a new light. 
 The heavy soundproof door of the entrance of a store opens and the boy of the thin finger like a schoolchild enters.In the atmosphere of this floor, the boy looked like one white butterfly which has approached the mercury lamp. 
 When she felt the lighting was hot and she sipped a mouthful water, she desperately wants to have a cigarette,  and she got menthol one from the girl in front of her, and had litten.
 The butterfly danced between tables flutteringly and stopped at the microphone which Aoi had. 

 To be continued


novel | when he had blue dream - 3 - story of Rin (at a park, her mother and her doctor inside of Rin)

 When shoes and the meal bag brought home by the person on duty were thrown into the door of the house, he walked to the park of the neighborhood which always goes, biting the bread which was in the kitchen on the way.
 The sky of summer where it is likely to start to rain at any moment hung down to the ground low, and there was a smell like a puddle in air.
 A park is a big park of a town which exists in the center mostly, and seemed to be little woods.
There were three ponds, and there were jogging trails so that between the pond and woods might be sewn.
 He separates from the sidewalk of a park, and enters and goes woods inside to the back rapidly.

The inside of the dense woods is gloomy, underfoot fallen leaves have covered the ground thickly.
The ground dug and there was the smell of the puddle also from damp fallen leaves.
I was able to think that a tree and grass were waiting for rain.
A rain sign is felt, roots are gradually extended in the ground,
and leaves and trunks seem that they are trying suck up even the moisture mind of air.

It has stretched here and there, and a cobweb divides into the hair of hair, and his face with, and is attached to them.
He gathered the branch which withered, and he went to the back, brushing off a cobweb.
He often did so and carried out the small adventure.
Underfoot, the tree which decayed in everything had fallen.
It was unbelievable in large numbers of ants under the tree, when he moved the tree.
The lump of one ant is extended thinly gradually and an outline becomes ambiguous.
Rin is obsessed the feeling that an outline becomes ambiguous,his face, and a hand and a leg are also extended thinly.
Anger wells up suddenly.
The ants were stepped on confusedly and slaughtered.
The ground dug and there was the smell of the ground on the contrary.
it was sweet scent.
There is the smell with which the thick oxygen which a tree breathes out together with the smell of the ground became wet when he stopped slaughtering an ant and the breath was inhaled thoroughly, if he thinks that the tree sided, he will be saved, and he remembers that the friend gathered the eraser during class, or that the mother bought new shoes.

His feeling becomes somewhat quiet.
And the uneasiness which does not understand some comes.
Feeling which is likely to be inhaled in woods and in which he is likely to disappear.
There is always this feeling with a quiet feeling, it serves as "voice", and can be heard from the direction of the back.
"Voice" declared itself its being a doctor.

Surrounding trees are echoed and "voice" wraps in Rin.

In it, the film of the "voice" isolates Rin who is likely to melt into trees and is likely to disappear.

And the uneasiness which all takes something to the collateral and goes collateral comes.
Anger wells up again.
"Nothing is absolutely taken by you!"
Anger blot out "voice."
Does my mother also hear such "voice"?
When "voice" can be heard, my mother always occupies consciousness so that it may be exchanged.

The arm of the mother who tries to hold Rin is extended from the same place as "voice", and touches the arm and breast of Rin.
He notices that it is a baby unawares.
His mother does not necessarily soothe and merely gives a tight hug to Rin.
it is like trying to rub her soul into a son.
His eyes are closed and it listens to his mother's beat as if Rin also tried to return to the mother's interior of the womb.
And his mother's beat will become weaker gradually and will be indistinguishable from the sound of a wind soon.

He ran in woods and came out to the back side of the open-air stage.
The stage of concrete was being flushed warmly.

When he became a crawl and his face was attached, it was warm and pleasant.
It began to rain little by little, many black stains to white concrete were made, and it became deep-black soon.
It rained in the park calmly.
He becomes a feeling over which he would like to cry saying that rain is seen.
As if the anger in him which is not helped by himself gets loose little by little.

Is it the cause of a rain sound and is the cause of a rain smell?
A feeling over which he would like to cry, something love the feeling to spread and which considers may be resembled,Quietly, calmly.
Unusual temper and strain like when slaughtering an ant were lost.
He took refuge in the place where rain does not hit, and gazed at the trees which get wet.
He thought that they differed from us.

whatever what is visited might be, as if it did not refuse the trees which get wet to rain, a color, it was there calmly deeply.

The tree seems waiting for him in the fathomless depth even if we are searching for something
Soon, rain stopped and sunbeams shining through branches of trees changed the neighborhood into a scene like in water.
The cobweb stretched innumerably attached waterdrop to the wooden branch, and it sparkled, and seemed that the countless Galaxy was shining in woods.

 to be continued

poem | the queen of white lily

Place in which you are   A flower spreads a root deeply.   The sky is highly
Place in which you are   There is no house of despair.   There are also no straying children.
If a storm blows.   A wind is increase of a color.   A flower increases light.
Bring brightness of empty together in the garland
An unaffected finger   If children are touched
Also hand and foot which cannot get tired and fly   It dances and comes out to the prairie of freedom.

A morning becomes night.   Even if night becomes that summer
Even light leaves the garland.   Even if forsaken in the sky
From your footprint   It will bear and come tomorrow again.

Children who follow every day of a miracle and go   The finger is known.
A step loses balance.   Even if applied to a sick shadow black
If it basks in a wind and light   If warmth and silence are obtained

A black shadow serves as a bridge of a rainbow.

There is no room for a nightmare to enter   I will build a house.
Wisdom and power insert   I will open a window.
By the window, I am always  Pass only along transparent air.

by huuyou


novel | When he had blue dream - 2 - story of Rin (at a park , his mother and the doctor inside of Rin)

  After school, he walks around the familiar road.
He sometimes sits down on a roadside, digs up with a stick the weeds which have sprung up from the crack of asphalt, catches the small insect which was there, and throws to a driveway. 
The small insect which was crawling on and turning around the ground top in quest of the hiding place will harden the body, if a car approaches, it will be flown by the wind pressure of a car, and will disappear to somewhere.
Rin looked for the hit where the small insect disappeared, it was not found only with the pebbles of asphalt. The pebble had shone in various colors. The place which was scrabbed by the tire and has been dented from the surroundings was glossy and looked like a blue black glass.

Soft gloss was given to each of pebbles that the intense sun of summer melts asphalt as it has begun.

The body of Rin is wrapped in, and a hot wind winds up dust, and goes past and goes.
Clouds tended to flow at a quick speed and cumulonimbus tended to catch the town.
A town was making heat rise as if it tried to have put it back.
The whole town was shaking flickeringly.
Clouds still cover a town slowly, take the sun and go.

 The asphalt which lost the light of the sun changed to the free hard gray way.
Underfoot, he found the small insect as same as he found it a while ago.
An insect is trying to run in into wayside weeds hard.
Rin caught the insect, for a while, was rolled and was playing  on the palm.
It stopped the insect having hardened the body, or having struggled for escaping, but moving intently as if it gave up all soon.
The heat of asphalt creeps up from a sole.
He breathes deeply and blows away the insect of a palm with a whiff.
The insect disappeared to somewhere and the heavy damp wind pushed the back of Rin.

 to be continued

by huuyou


novel | When he had blue dream -1- the sea

 He is having a dream which she is in the sea side. 
In the dream, she forgets in a dream that it is a dream unawares.

 Rin thought that he would play the guitar, but he couldn't.
The shirt which was being packed into the hole of a guitar overflowed, and it interfered in the string,there is a echoed rubbing sound of nails and metals.
"Ah・・・" Lin said that inside voice, drag the shirts out of the hole and throw it up on the beach.
The shirts made a little breasts by the wind on the sand. Rin thought that was Aoi's breasts. 
He extended the hand quietly and touched the breast of the shirt. 
The shirt containing the wind is dented by the weight of the hand of Rin, 
she grabbed rough sand under the shirts.
The feel made Rin startled.
What he has been held was heavy sand.

 The wind is blowing.
The blue wind is shaking glitteringly on the water surface. 
He remembered as it having been such a dream. 
In the inside of a dream. 
The held sand fell from between fingers smoothly over the cloth of a shirt. 

 to be continued.........

by huuyou